I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
