i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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