Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
