positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
