Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
