so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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