When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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