then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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