Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
