I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You are a genius and a whore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
