I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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