I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
