the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
