Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize