grandma shit on top of the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
