wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
