And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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