did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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