I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
