i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
