don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
