So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
