Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
