at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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