I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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