Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize