did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
