Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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