My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
