i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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