I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
