come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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