it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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