What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
