bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
