I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
