I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize