shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He has the fingertips of a God
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
