Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
