Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We had to coat check the pizza.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
