Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
