I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
