News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
