are you still at the devil's house?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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