i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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