dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
