I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
