um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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