Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
