You can't motorboat a personality
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you had me at cake vodka
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
