he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
