Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
