and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
