Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
