even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
