My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
