I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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