thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
