why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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