He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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