Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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