he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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