...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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