Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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