I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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