I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
love makes seman taste better
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Houston, we have a blender
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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