i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
