It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i came on her dog
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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