She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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