WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize