By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is Oprah even human
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
