In the future we'll all be gay
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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