It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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