Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
