just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
