GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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