I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
