I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize