I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
