The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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