we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
