I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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