Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
