so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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