Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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