i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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