This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We are all done wearing pants today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
