Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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