She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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