Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
