I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
