He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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