what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she peed on how many people?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
