She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
