she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
